For many parents to have an obedient child is considered to be a real pleasure. However, have you ever thought that making our children fulfill all our instructions without any complaints, we are doing irreparable damage to the formation of his/her personality?
So let's discuss which undesirable effects can be caused by a strict upbringing.
1. The inertia and passivity
When parents make the kid carry out all their instructions, his/her inner freedom and initiative are suppressed. Gradually this little person will lose any interest in the expression of the own desires and leadership qualities. Growing up, your son or daughter may turn into rather inert and passive adult who just goes with the flow of life. It will be rather difficult for this person to set and achieve goals, to persevere and to an initiative.
In order to avoid these things, communicate with the child from an equal position. And do it even in the most ordinary things. Respect his/her wishes and the opportunity to make the own choices, for example, purchasing kids ride on toys, a book or a sports section. Give your kid a little freedom. - Let your baby choose: what books to read, in what section to train or to what company to be involved, what colors to wear, how to choose a hobby.
Consult with your baby what thing to do together: to draw or to sculpt, to go for a walk to the park or to a shopping mall. Show that any person should take the initiative, but at the same time, it is necessary to be responsible for the made choices. In such a way the child will understand that you respect his/her personality and freedom.
2. Being guided
On the one hand for parents, it is really good when the kid agrees and does not insist on the own points of view. No complaints, no arguments, and no extravagant desires. On the other hand, this tactic can be very harmful to future adult behavior. Growing up, a child will not be able to defend his/her points of view. This person will agree with everything, often forgetting about own interests. In addition, this future men or women will easily fall under the influence of others, without being able to say "no" / "I do not want", it will be really easy to persuade him/her in a bad way.
Parents should take the child's wishes with proper attention. Remember it is always better to permit than to ban. Explain to him/her why you are not allowed to do this or that thing. If the baby's request is doubtful, ask a child to argue the desire. This will develop the adult position and teach to use the adequate methods achieving the aim.
3. Low self-esteem
Strictness and categorical position of parents lead to the fact that the child begins to doubt their love. Being often criticized your child begins to think that he/she is not good enough for most relatives as well as for close friends. This will definitely lead to the formation of low self-esteem.
Kid doubts constantly and feels guilty. But the toddler needs to be sure that the parents love him/her. In order to earn their love, he/she tries to be obedient, but obedience is not his/her internal choice.
Show your child that you will love your baby in any case, regardless of the behavior. But, of course, explain that there are some things that upset you much. Say your baby that you love him/her, learn to forgive minor mischief and avoid any assessments in communication, like "you're bad", "a slut child" or "a lazy bone". Estimate a specific act, but not a child's personality.
4. Aggressiveness and soreness
The suppression of own desires, fear of being bad and the possibility of deserving parental anger lead to the fact that the baby accumulates much aggression. It may find expression outside the family: in kindergarten, at school, in relation to animals or toys. And these feelings may be applied at himself/herself. In this case, the aggressive impulses can be shown by frequent illnesses, the emergence of serious chronic diseases and neuroses.
Anger and frustration are considered to be the normal emotional reactions of every human being. It is important to teach a child to express them in acceptable ways that do not harm either others or himself/herself. Otherwise, they will accumulate and have a devastating effect on a person.
Do not shout at the baby for negative emotions, help him/her to understand them and show that you understand these feelings. Do not tell the boy that "real men never cry", and the girl, "you can’t rush headlong." These are simple ways to throw out the negative feelings and your child is doing them intuitively.
Help your son or daughter to find a proper way to relax: sports, embroidery with beads, painting or walks on the ride on car toy. It is important to do all these things with own pleasure. Teach your baby the simple methods of self-regulation: to break a pillow or punching bag, to count up to 10, to breathe deeply, to close the eyes and to imagine a place where it is good and calm.
5. Overcompensation
In their teen's extremely well-behaved and calm children often break the rules, join to bad companies, get harmful habits, become rude and deny any parental authority. In such a way they try to compensate the lack of freedom in their childhood.
Parents must provide the child a certain freedom, which is essential for the normal development of the personality. Independent trips, games, and activities should be in the life of every child. And the older your baby gets, the more time he/she can devote to it.
Learn to love and accept your child with all features of character. Show his/her value and significance. Encourage the toddlers as much as possible. Mind that only under these conditions you will be able to bring up self-sufficient, active and purposeful personality.
Комментариев нет:
Отправить комментарий